Inspiration

I have spent the last few weeks just going through the motions of the weeks past. It's been so crazy in my life. I can't believe how fast the last year has flown by. I have been thinking a lot about my life and which direction I am heading. This past year has been the hardest on me ever. Last July I lost my mother to cancer. It was a long battle and she lost. She lived a short but long life. Tomorrow would have been her 67th birthday. We always joked that she was the same age as my Brooke. 6+7=13 Every year she would be the same age as Brooke :) Brooke just turned 13. She asked us in her will to get an orange rose and put it in our table to remember her by. I was on a mission to find an orange rose today an I was successful. Thank god for that! I have lost 2 children and it didn't hurt as bad as this has. I miss my mom. My mom was my inspiration. She was my rock, my mentor, my shield. She tried to keep me from the bad things in life and tried to help me during my rough times. She watched and held my hand when my oldest daughter was born. She hugged and held my hand when we lost our children. She watched over me and listened to me no matter how much I might have hurt her with words. She loved me and I know that. She watched me grow into the woman I have become. I so didn't ever want to be like my mom. I always wanted to be my own person. I find myself sounding like her and saying sillys thing that she did. I never wanted to admit to myself that I am like her but I find myself mimicing her actions. Thanks mom for being you! Life throws u curveballs that u might not be ready for and I wasn't ready to lose her. She meant so much to me. I find myself talking to her on my way to and from work. I find myself asking for advice eventhough she doesn't answer it sometimes makes me feel better. I ask her for strength and understanding when I am dealing with things that are trying on me. Sometimes I even feel her watching over with approving or disapproving eyes. It saddens me to think that tomorrow will be her birthday and she won't be here to celebrate with us. I am sure I will be emotional tomorrow. I pray to god for strength tomorrow and everyday I spend without her here on earth. I wish my mom were here with me. Please mom watch over me an guide me through the rest of my life. Someday we will meet again until then u will be missed terribly!!! I miss the late night canasta games and the dice u were an awesome opponent. I miss eating pickled bologna and cheese and crackers. I miss the silly putty glasses and laughing until we cried. I miss the funny things u said or the way you pronounced mozzerelli. I miss the good times and I miss the bad times. I am so sorry for every hurtful thing I ever said to you. I miss hugging u and telling u how much I love u. U must know exactly how much u are loved and missed not just by me but by our entire family. I love u mom now and forever!!!! I promise to make u as proud as I can and to take care of my family. I will try to teach them as u have taught me. I will try to treat them as they deserve to be treated. I will take care of my brothers as best as I can and I will try to take care of myself as much as possible. I miss you mom!!!!


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